A Little Acknowledgement for Birth Moms on Mother’s Day Can Go a Long Way

Even though she is not able to parent her child,  she is still ever so much a mother who loves her child.

 

You may have noticed that Mothers Day is a difficult day for women who cannot biologically have children. The same can be true for women who place a child for adoption. Both must deal with their own personal feelings and the comments of others as they go about their day.

 

For a birth mom it could start when she enters a restaurant for breakfast. In a polite attempt to honor her possible position she may be asked: Are you a mother, Miss?  She has to keep the inner turmoil at bay as her mind fights between the truth of her actually physically being a mother balanced with her “role” as a mother today.

 

She may be asked to cover a shift at work that day for another mother on staff since “she isn’t a mother.”

 

In the church there is always the dreaded: ” Will all the mothers please stand”. Far worse when they do a “fun” countdown further infringing on suppressed emotions. “Will all the mothers of 2 children please stand, 3 children, 4 and so on.”

 

The uncomfortableness continues at a family gathering where no one knows quite what to say to the woman who placed a child for adoption so they avoid saying anything.

 

This type of dismissal causes unwarranted shame on the part of the birth mother and it’s totally unnecessary in today’s day of awareness.

Remember this first and foremost what a mother is. Merriam Webster says….

“A mother is a female who “brings up (a child) with care and affection”.

Choosing a way for your child’s needs to be met on a daily basis is one way of bringing up a child with ‘care and affection”. Staying involved if able and sharing the child’s history in love and discernment is another way to bring up a child with care and affection. Putting yourself and your needs aside to allow for the betterment of your child’s future is bringing up a child with care and affection.

If you’ve placed a child for adoption and someone asks ” Will all the mothers please stand?” or “Do you have a child/children?” you can learn to feel comfortable with responses like:

“Yes, I do and though I was not able to raise my child when they were born or though they are not in my life today, I am still bringing them up with care and affection through the plans I made for their future. I made a loving adoption plan for their life and I look forward to our future together as they grow up in love and understanding”.

If you know someone who has placed a child for adoption you can be a heart with ears for them this Mother’s Day weekend. Ask them how they are doing and if they choose to share with you even if you don’t know what to say you can still be a good listener.