I am a birth father, this is the story of my wife’s and my adoption journey.
We had been together 17 years. We had a 12 year old son. Then while at the E.R. my wife learned she was pregnant.
That is when our world was turned upside down.
We knew we did not have the means to take proper care of a new born. We both work, and neither of our pay is all that impressive. We live in a small one bedroom apartment. We don’t have the room for a bigger family. Not that the love was not there, just the resources lacked. We did not want assistance from the government. We are not too proud, but I remembered when our son was younger and we received help. We did not want to do that again.
We thought long and hard. We talked with our son. We cried, We fought. But in the end, we both knew adoption was the best choice for our family. Research was done, phone calls made. Then we heard back from a special lady that lead us down this sometimes scary path. She enlightened us to open adoption. As my wife and I came to grips with our decision, my wife would say “This why we got pregnant! To help make a family”. I could not agree more. This is our deposit in the karma bank.
We received numerous books, from our agency, about people wishing to adopt. We read all the books, all very touching. We had no idea who to choose. This is our child, who will be good enough. My wife picked her top 3, then our son and I went through the top 3 again. There was a financially established couple from other side of state., a very Christian couple from across town, who had been waiting 7 years to adopt. Lastly, and there was a younger lesbian couple a couple of towns over.
After talking to our son, he brought up the thought ” because they are both girls, they may have to wait a long time for a baby. Because some people are not cool with gay people”.
With that little jewel of wisdom our choice was made. We meet our son’s future moms and we made an instant connection. They liked that we were a family. That our son would have a brother. They made my wife feel truly loved. We knew they would be the best parents we could ask for. My wife is amazing, she never let her ego get involved.
That being said, there were and are bad days.
Yet there are great days.
Like when we get to visit with the awesome family we made.
When we get pictures out of the blue.
For Christmas the girls made my wife a book of pictures of our son. It was truly a beautiful gesture.
We are blessed and we know it.
If I were asked to give any advice it would be “Be Honest” Be honest with your adoptive parents. Be honest with your birth parents. Most importantly be honest with yourself. Be honest what you want, what you need. And remember to compromise, your family is growing and everyone has feelings that need to be considered.
Our journey is nowhere near the end, but we are looking forward to what comes around the next bend.