Dear Woman Considering Adoption,
Dear Woman Considering Adoption,
I am trying so hard to reach you.
I know the journey that is ahead of you and I want to offer you my help but I’m having such a difficult time finding my way to you. Abortion laws are eliminating a choice for a woman experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. If you are unable to parent, adoption might be the second-best option for you and your child.
There are some things that I must do before we can connect.
I need to know that you have looked into ALL of your options before thinking adoption is your only choice. I would much rather lead you to support that would enable you to raise your child because that is what’s best for you and your child. But I also know that sometimes what’s best isn’t always possible. Sometimes, your reality is different, and you have to make the next best choice.
Once you are pregnant, you can’t stop the clock and figure things out. You are required to make a decision based on what you know now. That’s the worst part about an unplanned pregnancy. It requires you to make a permanent decision based on temporary circumstances. There no way of getting around that truth. However, if that truth for you is adoption, you still need to make the best adoption plan for you and your child.
Adoption is a choice that will affect you and your child for the rest of your life. You need to know that going in.
If you know this and you do know that choice is adoption for you I want to support you along the way so that you aren’t alone in this situation. I want to work with you afterward to bring your life to a place where nothing unexpected can take you off course.
I won’t try and sugar coat it for you. The adoption choice will cause grief and be trauma that you live with the rest of your life. Yet If it truly was the second-best option it will also cause joy and peace and reassurance as you watch your child grow into a healthy adult. I also want to be sure that you get the needed aftercare to help you rebuild your life emotionally AND physically so that you aren’t faced with the same situation a few years later.
I have to fight for you early as I’ve learned that I can’t ensure you get that needed care once your adoption is finalized.
Right now, I’m just so busy trying to prove that you need support.
I’m not just trying to prove that to society and to the adoption agencies and adoption law firms but also I spend most of my time trying to prove to others in the adoption world that my motives for you are good and not evil. That they are intended to provide you with the needed support and make sure that no one is leading you to a place of limited choice so that you don’t have to wonder who is truly on YOUR side.
My first call out to you returned much-needed approval and excited anticipation. I was excited because I’ve spent years trying to convince adoption agencies and society that things haven’t changed much for women choosing adoption since I placed a child over two decades ago. I spent years talking to and invested all of my time researching how you would have been better supported IF there was a loving care plan in place.
As with all controversial issues with the encouragement came reproof from my adversaries. Some of the things they said about offering services to women considering adoption were: “rubbish being spewed to sell newborns, vomit, propaganda, appalling, another way to make money off of desperate people in order to make adopters feel better about taking a child from their family, outrageous, pretending its all okay, funneling mothers into agency’s clutches, she should be ashamed!! Excuse me I have to go and vomit!! and so on.
These comments come from others who have also been affected by adoption.
I’m often left confused and wondering what part of my message is still unclear or perhaps it’s that the belief is we could one-day eradicate adoption altogether.
I’m all for that but until then the women that are led to choose adoption need to be represented and supported NOW.
I choose to offer my services on this side of the line.
I choose to put myself out there and continue to fight for a different cause. There is so little support on this side of the fence for her. The answer isn’t to leave her to fight alone. Fighting with her and for her doesn’t mean that we don’t love her and ensure that this is the only option for her. I will send her to other resources so that if she has a way to make parenting work other groups can further equip her.
Until then I hope you find your way to me despite the obstacles because I want to walk this journey with you and help you to not feel so alone.
I will keep holding the light in hopes you see it!
