Weary Birth Mom, Do Circumstances Have You Down This Holiday Season?

Twice, I’ve experienced a season in my life where everything seemed out of my control. A time when the noise and opinions of others suffocated my mind and my soul . Yet there was nothing I could do to immediately fix the overwhelming reality in my life at either of those times.

I have heard from many other women, especially those who either are actively choosing adoption for their child and those who already have placed their child with a loving family to raise him/her. They too are feeling overwhelmed with decisions and as they try desperately to survive, they are also faced with the judgement and opinions of others who do not understand.

The first time that my life circumstanes were truly out of control was when I was 15, unmarried and pregnant. The second time was when I was 39, divorced and a single mom with a lot of children and no job experience about to face the world on my own.

As I looked back, I found that there were some similarities in both overwhelming experiences:

 When I was 15, I was pregnant and I wanted nothing more than to raise and care for my child. I had no resources and no family able to help me. I had to make the decision alone for my child’s future. That was the reality and all the wishing and tears couldn’t fix that. I chose adoption for my child.

 At 39, I was divorced and had no job, once again no one could save me and take me in and help me raise my children. No one could fix this. I couldn’t fix this. I had to go through it and make mistakes and decisions for myself and for my children now.

• Both times I had a lot of regrets, made many mistakes and learned volumes about trusting myself and others

• Both times had a life changing effect on myself and my children

• Both times broke my heart in an irreparable way

• Both experiences took years to work through

 Both experiences brought forth a contrast of feelings:

 Others said…You’re so brave— yet I was scared to death and cried myself to sleep

Others said…You’re so independent — yet I need my person

Others said…I will be there for you—yet they were not or could not

 Yet, I also discovered that the same Soul Lessons were spoken to my soul both times around:

• You must keep going even if you are afraid

• You must not let this experience harden what is still soft

• You will find your way—one step at a time

 We do the best we can with what we have at the time we have it. No one else can ever understand that because they don’t have what you have as their reality.

 They cannot know your journey unless EVERY detail of their journey was the same….

 Don’t let that negativity hold you captive this year. Only you can break yourself free because only you walk your journey.

 There are NO easy fixes in life. Liars say there are. There are helps such as mediation, church, exercise, music, art, and writing.

 But at the end of the day you simply have to go THROUGH it and let it happen AROUND you and not to you.

 One good thing about circumstance is that eventually they do change.

 So weary birth mother …

• You must keep going even if you are afraid

• You must not let this experience harden what is still soft

• You will find your way

-One step at a time. ..

Sending you much love this holiday season.