-Lived and Written by Vanessa Skinner <3
“Never in a million years did I ever think that I will be put in a position to have to put one of my children up for adoption. Unfortunately things happen in life that you can’t control and I found myself pregnant and I could not raise another child.
Making decision about adoption was not easy I went through a lot asking God for help asking my church for help not knowing what to do feeling alone at times feeling like I was making the wrong decision.
After a few months of thinking about how would I raise another child would I be able to do it how are my kids going to be affected how’s my family going to feel. I made the decision that adoption would be the best option for my family and for this child.
I called Shepherd Care just to see exactly how adoption works how they would be able to help me find a family. they were just very informative and loving and kind and just so understanding about everything that I was going through and just ensuring me that everything was going to be ok.
After speaking with Shepard care on the phone about a week later I meet with the most wonderful person in the world Nidia and from that day my whole life changed.
I have never felt more at peace and more confident about placing my child up for adoption then after speaking with Nidia she insured me that my child is going to be taken care of and that decision of me placing my child up for adoption was not that I didn’t want her but that I loved her so much that I was willing to let a family that could raise her and give her what she wanted to be a part of her life.
After about a week of meeting with Nidia I received a package in the mail from Shepherd care with a few family profiles getting this package was very emotional. I was happy I was excited I was scared I was nervous.I didn’t know how to pick a family how does how does a mother pick a couple without speaking with them and just looking at pictures. How does a mother know that you’re making the right decision for your baby how do you do that???
After looking threw some family profiles I knew who I was going to pick. Something about this family really got my attention but most of all my heart. They had the cutest little boy, I wanted the baby to have a brother or sister. Once I prayed about the family and ask my church and pastor to pray I got the greatest news ever. The family I chose wanted the baby.
After talking with Nidia and just confirming everything. I was feeling great I knew my baby was going to be loved and taken care of. I knew that this family wanted a baby so bad they would make sure this baby was going to be loved.
After a few weeks of just relaxing. I was finally able to Skype with the family. It was amazing! I loved every second of talking with them. It made me feel so great. They were perfect. I knew god had plans for this baby. I was always suppose to get pregnant but was never suppose to keep the baby. God knew this family needed this baby to complete their family. I was glad to be such a big part of that.
I had expressed my plan with Nidia. I had told her I wanted this family to be as much a part of this pregnancy as possible. I wanted them here for my delivery, I had to have a c-section. My last baby was a c-section so it was a must. So I could give them a date and everything….
My feelings about seeing the baby were all over the place. I didn’t want to see the baby. I was scared, nervous, and sad but happy all at once. I didn’t want to bond with the baby more than I already had. I wanted the first hug n kiss and heartbeat the baby heard and felt to be with the baby’s new mom and dad. After speaking with the family a few days later they said they would be there. Which made me feel amazing! Little did I know that I would be seeing them wayyyy before we had planned.
9/16/15 4:55 pm 4lbs 2oz 21 inches long the most beautiful baby was born. Only 34 weeks, but came like a trooper. Now comes the hard part, is what I thought. The doctors and nurses asking me do you want to see your baby. I said no many times. Once in my room I started thinking should i? Or should I not? Will I regret not seeing her? What if I change my mind?
After talking to Hidie (another adoption counselor ) I decided I should see her. I knew in my heart that this baby was a special gift n blessing not for me but for this family.
I was so nervous. I mean really nervous to meet a baby come on. My hands were sweaty and my heart was racing. Once the nurse knocked my heart I felt skipped a beat. Ok I said there’s no going back now she’s here.
Once I saw her it was like heaven sent. She was so tiny and beautiful and just perfect. My heart melted. I just held her and loved on her.The nervousness was gone. I felt so happy. I just looked at her for hours. I talked to her. I told her how much I loved her and how her new mommy and daddy were on their way. How much they couldn’t wait to see her. How she was going to have a big brother. Just talked to her as if she could really understand me.
It made me feel so much better letting her know that I will always be here and telling her how much I loved her. Something about just spending time with her made me feel so much better. All those feeling that I was worried about were gone. I felt joyful and excited and happy about the life she was going to have.
The next day was another big day. the family was coming to see their new bundle of joy. I have read over and over how weird it is to meet the adoptive parents for the first time. How alot of birth mothers don’t really want them to be so hands on with the baby.
In my case it was wayyyy different. I wanted them right there. If the adoptive mom could I would have had her sleep in the empty bed next to me haha. The time had come that knock on the door and here they were mom dad and big brother. It was like love at first sight. I was so happy to finally see them. I could wait for them to see her. We chatted for a while and it was just perfect. I loved them. Something had come over me. That scary feeling you get when u don’t know someone and they are about to care for your child. It was gone. I had peace. The baby was perfect. This family was perfect. I did it. I just made what was going to be the one and only decision in this child life. I picked a great family. They were instantly in love with her what more could I have asked for. I was completely happy for them.
Before I went through this experience of adoption its was completely different in my mind. Reading stories online about different people going threw adoption and feeling sad and depressed and feeling as if they lost a child was definitely not how I felt in any way. I know that alot of people go through different emotions, but in my experience I feel if you are at peace with your decision and peace with the family that you choose and feel comfortable with the agency and the counselors that you work with you shouldn’t feel sad about giving your child a better life then you could give that child.
Adoption is one of the most unselfish things that you can do for your child and for the family you choose. If your thinking about it for you child because of your situation remember to keep a few things in mind when your family tells you not to do it. Are they going to help? Are they willing to watch your child while you get a job? Are they willing to help get to and from the doctors office? Buying a pack of pampers or a cute outfit isn’t helping. Alot of family member don’t know how adoption works. They hear the word adoption and for some reason think bad thoughts at the end of the day if they love you and wants what’s best for you they will support you decision. They will take the time to ask questions and get information about how it really works. Look at this as a blessing your giving this family. Think about it as gaining more people to add to your family.”
– Written By Vanessa Skinner <3