Birthmom Died Before I Found Her…..

Dear Birth Mother,

I am a 50 year old male who didn’t want to find my birth mother until later in life. By the time I found her she was dead from an overdose. I can’t help but feel like I would’ve been better off having never known that.

Signed, Bummed

Dear Bummed,

I know this is a cold hard piece of reality that you’d rather have skipped over. Truth is your story is all too common. An adoptee once told me his birth mother died from drinking..she drank uncontrollably because of the guilt she felt. He too, resisted looking and was disappointed with the outcome.

It is for this very reason that I do what I do. This guilt..this shame..its way to common for birth moms.. Truth be told the majority of birth moms who felt they had no choice go on to live the rest of their lives in a private agony. This is why it is so important to help other birthmothers learn to forgive themselves and heal before it’s too late.

Bummed..Your birthmother loved you so much and she couldn’t process the pain and the loss in a healthy manner. The day she surrendered you for adoption she more then likely experienced a double funeral..the loss of you and the loss of herself. Don’t become bitter and lose yourself in the process..Your mother died loving you…you’re better off knowing that. Go on to live big…she’d be proud.

Much Love,
Birthmother