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“Understanding the needs of birth moms today and the tears from birth moms of yesterday .… I’ve walked the path and I know this terrain. I can help you to do the same.”

EMPOWERING BIRTH MOM’S TODAY WITH A VOICE AND A CHOICE…

 Hi I’m Kim Noeth -  Birth Mom and Post Adoption Life Coach.

Birth Moms Today provides help for birth mothers who desire to be in choice throughout all stages of the post-adoption process. 

Whether you’re a birth mom who is just starting out or you’ve been traveling along on this journey for 20 years, we can talk and I can help you to establish the right plan for your unique situation.

It is our core mission to empower, inform and assist birth mothers in obtaining the healthiest adoption experiences possible as well as to help birth mothers of yesterday to find freedom from guilt and experience true healing.

You can start your personal journey by signing up for our free personalized e-mail letter series. Whether you are pregnant, just gave birth or surrendered your child for adoption 20 years ago, this series is sure to encourage you and lift your spirits.  Click here to receive free access to the  “Thoughts to Muse E-Series”.  It was written just for you and is filled with love, support and encouragement for where you are at in your life today.

As a birth mother considering adoption, you need options that allow you to make the choices that truly represent YOU both financially and emotionally throughout your entire adoption journey. You need concrete assurance that if you were promised an open adoption, then once your child is born, you won’t become out of sight and out of mind regarding your child’s upcoming growth stages. You need assurance that the way plans were discussed regarding your adoption experience are the way things are going to take place when all is finalized.

Birthmoms Today is here to help you to navigate your way along the adoption journey and to offer you the choices and assistance that you may need for each and every step of your way.

Ready to learn more?

Begin by clicking on the box below that you feel best represents your current situation and needs:

 

 

 

 

 

Always remember that this is YOUR decision, YOUR child and YOUR experience.

You get to make the choices that you feel are the best for your unique situation. You do not have to do this alone…there is help available to you. You do not have to stuff your burdens deep down inside in order to get through this.

Today, you as the birth mother have options, research and choices available to you that did not exist years ago thus allowing you to be more in control of your adoption decisions. Options that enable you to make the best choice for today and still keep you connected with your child tomorrow. Options that keep you empowered and in choice throughout your entire adoption experience.

Today, adoptive couples have lovingly listened to and responded to all of the past research that advocates for the importance of an emotionally healthy adoption process with total birth mom care and support and healthy reunions.

Carrying unresolved burdens becomes exhausting and overwhelming as the years go by.

Listen to the voices of yesterdays birth moms and take control of your experience today.

Always Live FULLY In Choice..
Always Live FULLY In Choice..

Today, We DO Better Because We KNOW Better.

Get on the “know better..do better” part of the journey. Click here to find out about the  “Birth Moms Today Complete Care Package” so that you can be a part of an emotionally healthy adoption experience.

You Can Courageously Face Whatever Stands Before You. Let Us Help You Navigate Your Journey..
You Can Courageously Face Whatever Stands Before You. .
We Can Help You Navigate Your Journey..

True Living BEGINS where fear ENDS..

 

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Want to learn more about Birth Moms Today?

Sign up for “Inspirations for Birth Moms” in the sign up box above. ( you can find it located on the top right corner of this page) or just sign up by clicking here. When you do you will receive a personalized e-letter written exclusively for you to encourage you as you go along on your journey!!

It will be the one arriving with LOVE expressly in your inbox. I’ll see you there!! xo

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KEEP ON KEEPING ON…THE BEST IS YET TO COME…..<3

 

18 Responses to Home

  1. Andi says:

    I am a birth mom who at the age of 19 made one of the hardest choices of my life. It was the best choice for my baby and it goes with out regret but, Yesterday I found out my child’s adoptive parents are getting a divorce. I have kept in touch with them and actually just met up with them all last summer(including my son) and had a great reunion. His parents seemed so happy just as I remember them on the day 9 years ago when I placed my newborn baby in their arms. Yesterday I learned after their 18 year marriage they now have decided to divorce. No other words than heartbroken and disappointed can describe how I feel now. I thought their marriage would last forever and I did not want my son to have a broken home like I did. So what now? My heart aches for my son as I totally know what he must be going through. The crazy thing is he is the same age as I was when my parents divorced. How should I feel about it all? I really don’t want hard feelings towards the birth parents but am totally confused… is it my place to feel like I need answers or what? Thank you for letting me vent and for also letting me know your advice on this situation.

    • admin says:

      Andi,

      I am so glad that you wrote.

      I feel the intense love that you have for your son, wrapped up in the disappointment of what was supposed to be.

      Something that you took such pain in arranging, has all of a sudden drastically changed and it is coupled with the disappointment of the love that you wanted to believe existed between this couple. Everything has changed, suddenly and without warning.

      I think this situation is more then just two people getting divorced. The heart of the matter is about a sacred promise that took place between you as a birth mother and them as the adoptive couple, several years ago.

      That’s deep.

      It’s understandable that you feel disappointment and heartbreak. As birth mothers, we put our faith in the hope that if we had to surrender our child it was going to be completely clear that it was for a better future. We’re coerced at our weakest and most vulnerable stage and promised that adoption is a win- win situation for everyone. We never foresee that future becoming shaky. But it does.. because life is so uncertain.

      Here are some things to consider as you go through the healing process:

      FIRST, lovingly remind yourself that WHEN you made the decision to place your son up for adoption, this was the better choice. You had no way of knowing what the future held. You are still the same strong and loving person that you were before this situation occurred and that same strength and wisdom will help you to know how and what to do in this situation with your son and with his adoptive parents.

      NEXT, you do the painful part and you embrace reality as it is..

      raw and uncertain.

      If you try to withdraw from it you will only be stuck in that area for years to come…

      Sit in it.

      Don’t try to analyze it and don’t add to it. Simply sit with the feelings of discomfort, anger, disappointment, sorrow and let it be as it is.
      When you reach the point of acceptance, or at least close enough to acceptance to decide that it is time to forgive the parents- even if privately for your own sake, forgive yourself if you are carrying that guilt burden and then decide that it’s time to move forward.

      You will be able to work through it and I am here to support you when you need me.

      The ugly truth is divorce is becoming more and more common. I’m sure that you have observed this to be true in your own life with the people around you.
      Unfortunately, the couple that was chosen for your child had some personal problems that were too great for them to be able to stay together and work through. That truth has greatly affected their sacred contract with you.

      This is – in a sense – a mature blessing for instead of your son being raised in a home filled with anger and discontent, he can hopefully see two people who despite their inability to stay together as husband and wife are just as committed to being the mom and dad that they have been all along.

      Your son’s adoptive father, if he is a good man and dad, will remain a good man and dad. He will model that to your son. Your son will then not lose that fatherly/man image in his life.
      Your son’s adoptive mother will have an opportunity to model her commitment to her role as a mother even in this hard time when prior commitments can really be put to the test.

      Just as you did at a young age, and just like you did when you surrendered him for adoption, your son will have to learn a hard but valuable life lesson…

      “There are no guarantees in life and we have to do the best we can with what we have now.”

      Sad things happen to us and around us and it’s how we respond to them that determines our future.
      How we are supported and cared for by ourselves and those we love during these situations, determines our growth.

      The fact that you were the same age as your son is an incredible gift at a unique time. You are very much in touch with the confusion, uncertainty and concern your son is most likely facing. I truly believe your ability to support and encourage him whether in person, by letter or in prayer will help him to get through this situation in a healthy manner. In a sense, this tragedy has given you an opportunity to reach his heart even more.

      Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs to the adoptive parents. You need to know that your son will continue to be cared for by two parents who are STILL just as invested and committed in your son as you are. I would be glad to host an online session where I can help you to communicate your questions and needs to the adoptive parents in a safe and supportive environment.

      Do let me know how things turn out or if I can be of any further help to you. You will be a light to many others on the same path.

      Much love to you,
      Kim xoxo

      • Andi says:

        Thank you for your response to my comment! I know it will take time to heal from such disappointing news. I do know that my son’s adoptive parents are really great and caring parents, who will still remain very close to each other despite their divorce. When I think back to the beginning there would no way of knowing what the future would hold and I know the years they were married were some of the happiest. They were always good about updates and pictures to let us know that. In the end I don’t regret any of my choices but it still worries me how their decision to get a divorce will affect my son’s idea of marriage. I know that my idea of long term commitment has affected my my past so it breaks my heart that he might have the same issues now. You had a great idea to reach out to my son with a letter to let him know I am there for him! That would mean a lot to him and I haven’t thought about doing that.. I was much more focused on writing the adoptive parents that I never though about what my support could do for him as well. Time will heal all wounds. Life is so unpredictable you are right about that. It feels so good to be able to voice my thoughts and get advice so THANK YOU! I will let you know how it all turns out Thanks again!

  2. Laura says:

    I turned 21 this march, and on June 23rd I gave my firstborn to the perfect couple. I don’t regret the decision, I know it was the right choice for little Davis. The couple fell into our lap and we met and bonded before we even went to an adoption attorney. It still hurts though. For many reasons. First, my parents only wanted two kids, kept trying for a boy and ended up with four girls. Davis would have been their first grandchild, and their first boy! Second, a few months after I got pregnant my parents announced that they were getting divorced. Something I never thought would happen. I feel like now my visions of a ” not perfect but close enough family” will never be realized. Third, I constantly ache to hold a baby. My arms don’t even feel right. They feel lighter than they should. I am dying for a baby of my own, yet know that it will be years until I can have one and it kills me. Especially since I know that if my fiancé and I had been more carefully and gotten pregnant at the right time we could’ve kept this baby. But most of all, my oldest sister and her husband got pregnant 6 weeks after me. I kept my pregnancy quiet so I wouldn’t steal her thunder. When I finally told her our news, she disowned me. Didn’t come to the hospital when I was induced, didn’t tell me when she went into labor, we haven’t talked since January. I don’t know how to handle everything. I can’t handle seeing anything related to babies, but I don’t want to be absent from my nephew’s life. I want him to know he has an aunt Laura. I really think my sister is going to raise him to hate me. And there’s nothing I can do to stop her. How do I handle these feelings

    • admin says:

      Dear Laura,

      Thank you so much for your courage in writing.

      So many birth mothers think that they are alone in how they are feeling. Everything that you are feeling is a very normal reaction to the loss that you have experienced. Even after 27 years, I recall freezing up inside whenever a baby would come into the yogurt shop where I had my first job. It always triggered the same chain of thoughts: “I wonder what my son looks like today” or “Imagine any one of these babies could be my own son” etc. I can recall thinking I felt movement in my stomach afterward. I felt extremely lost and ever so empty. Days passed meaninglessly.

      All the while the world would cry: “Time heals all wounds!”

      Yet the truth is, left hidden and unresolved “time” only buries the wounds deeper..

      Birth moms are never given a proper and open grieving time after they place their child up for adoption. The huge loss that we experience is looked upon as “our choice” so therefore we shouldn’t need to grieve or heal. We are forced to move forward without having adequate time to process our loss and grieve openly. Many times people in our lives act like nothing has happened because they think this response will help us to forget what we experienced or that avoiding the topic will somehow lessen the pain. They unknowingly portray the implication that we must love less or not have wanted a child as much as they did or would of or we are incapable of parenting and wise decision making.

      The truth is that for nine whole months an intimate relationship was going on inside your belly, heart and mind. Circumstances existed that made parenting your child unattainable in the present but the intense love and relationship still exists. When a portion of that relationship suddenly ends it can be very traumatic. On both ends. Both parent and child have to find ways to “move on” and recover from the loss.

      Not only have you experienced the deep loss of your son, Davis, it also sounds like you have faced the loss of your sister, the dreams and hopes that you had in your parents marriage and perhaps even the institution of marriage and family in general.
      First regarding your parents, do remember, God willed for them to have girls..not you..so don’t take on the responsibility of feeling that you failed them by not giving them a grandson. These feelings of failure will grow and become stumbling blocks in our everyday life. Your parents, obviously had personal issues of their own, that they themselves were unable to work through together. They made the best choice for their lives as you must do for yours. The future day for grandsons is still possible.

      I admire your sensitivity towards your sister in your pregnancy and am very sorry that she didn’t receive it and was unable to be there for you. If you haven’t already tried you may want to write her a letter. It’s a great way to express yourself fully without being interrupted or sidetracked. Be vulnerable enough to let her know that you need her support and help to get through this time and let her know how much you desire to be a part of her son’s life but be honest and let her know it’s going to be hard and will take time.

      As far as your relationship with your nephew goes,he is still young and this will give you the time to work on other family relationships and even allow some time for you to prepare yourself beforehand. As he grows you can keep your end of the relationship open. You can text, skype chat with him when he is older, send cards and gifts at appropriate times. These are some ways that you can have control over the type of relationship you establish with your nephew. When he is an adult (or whenever your sister and you decide)you may want to confide in him and let him know that you have a son that is his age. You can thank him for allowing you to experience his life and follow the different stages in his life that you know your Davis will be experiencing.

      I won’t lie to you, Laura, The pain will always be there but it’s how you process the pain and how you react to it each time it shows itself that will be the winning difference in your life. This has all been a tremendous amount of deep emotion for you to experience in such a short periods of time.. Allow yourself time to process and acknowledge it.

      Above all…
      Go slow. Be gentle with yourself. Love yourself with the same tenderness that you would give to a friend who just experienced a similar deep and meaningful loss. Recognize the times when you are most effected and keep a journal of those times. Documenting your experience can be a healing balm to your soul. You can document your journey and healing process through whatever means of expression you resonate most with. Whether its painting, writing, photography, sculpturing, meditation,exercise routine or dance, do try to find at least one passionate outlet for your emotions. I know of an adoptee who intends to choreograph a dance to capture and express the feelings she has for her birth mother.

      Find someone who you can regularly share your heart with..Loneliness thrives in isolation. Don’t stay silent. Attend a local or online support group.
      Birth Moms Today will be starting another round of online support groups. I host a free monthly local support group here in Lancaster Pa. if you are near my area. If not, you can private message me with your town and state so we can see if a support group exists in your area. Read good books or find another way to hear from the hearts of other birth mothers who have walked the same journey and will understand you the most.

      Laura, You are a loving, strong and sacrificial person. I know this because I know the journey that you took and you are still here and still radiant!!! Don’t waste the years with regret. Settle these issues now while you are young and the whole world is before you so that they don’t hold you back and sabotage your future success..

      Thank you again for being willing to be real and open with what you are experiencing. I’m always here if you need guidance and someone to open your heart to.

      Much love and best wishes to you,
      Kim Noeth
      The Post Adoption Coach
      xoxo

  3. Dee says:

    Hey there, I’m not a birth mom but I hope you don’t mind my writing. I hope you know, what you’re doing is awesome. My birth mother gave me up for adoption when she was in her early twenties and out of options. It took her years to deal with losing me, and she never had another daughter. 20 years later we are in each others lives once again, but during the first visit she had a look in her eyes. She kept explaining why she did what she did, but I always knew it took a love unlike any other to do what she did. I wish she had read this back then, she was on her own for a very long time. You will never meet a stronger woman. You will never meet a stronger woman than any birth mother.

    • admin says:

      Dee,
      I am so thrilled that you wrote and hope to hear from many other kindred adoptees as a result. Your voices are so important and you too have amazing strength. Such strength that allows you to view your mothers experience from this loving and selfless perspective and as a result you are actually mirroring her love for you and that in turn brings you both mutual joy and healing. I am so happy for you!
      My intention is to open homes for Birth Mothers that will enable them to have more choices available to them and to learn early on the truth about the effects of adoption years later for all involved. Thanks so much for sharing..xo
      Much Love,
      Kim

  4. Erin says:

    I just wanted you to know about my story of me being adopted when I was first born. There is no greater love then I have for my birth mother because she did something that helped me and her… ,well, live is the best why to put it. My adoption was open so we visit often and she recently had a daughter (my half-sister!) that wouldn’t be possible without the choice she made, and having a little girl in my life is one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened in my life . My birth mother is even a role model to me and because of her I try to be selfless everyday . I’m currently 17 and have a wonderful relationship with my family , and my birth family. so just know that you are respected and loved. Thank you birth moms <3

    • admin says:

      Erin,
      Thank you so much for your kind words. I am sure that you have been an incredible blessing to your mom and now a sister! I am so happy that you are able to be apart of each others lives and that it has been a positive experience for all three. Would love to know more about your open adoption. Much love to you and wishes for future happiness in your own life. Your positive and understanding attitude already has you at a pleasant advantage! xoxo

  5. Sophie says:

    I was 15 when I became pregnant to someone of whom I was with for a year, I finished the relationship due to my hormones and moods. I concealed my pregnancy and no one had a clue apart from the rumours at school. Deep down I knew what was happening I just didn’t want to admit it too myself because I was terrified and I had no clue what I would do; my mum had told me if I ever got pregnant she would throw me out so there was nothing I could do. I carried on going to school but the rumours started to become too much for me and I started to have panic attacks when people used to come over to me and ask me if I was pregnant and when I could hear and see people talking about me when I was walking down the corridor.

    I carried on pretending nothing was happening and constantly kept putting this to the back of my mind right up until 36 weeks and this is when I realised I had to do something so I emailed a sexual health clinic who then referred me to a teenage pregnancy midwife who I then met with right away. The day came when I was going to meet her and I remember seeing her outside Mcdonalds and I thought to myself shall i turn away and for a second I thought I would.. but I didn’t I went to see her. When I began talking to her she was so lovely and kind and I had her word that she was going to support me right the way through, no matter what I wanted, we filled in paper work and she asked me what I wanted to do and right away I said adoption as I knew I had no other choice. She also gave me a date for a scan.

    When the scan came along I asked not to look at the screen as it was too surreal for me too cope with although I did ask for a scan photo; on the bus on the way back my head was all over the place I had a constant lump in my throat and as soon as I looked at the scan photos my lump turned into floods of tears… this was finally becoming real. I was 38 weeks exactly.

    Two days later it was a Saturday and my midwife had a day off although she offered to show me around the hospital where I would need to go when I was in labour; I was meeting her at 1pm. Although that morning at 5am I was woken up with my first contractions…When I met her at 1pm at the hospital, it wasn’t until quarter to 2 we realised that I was in labour and she quickly filled in my paperwork while timing my contractions. As she didn’t want me to be alone she held my hand all the way through the birth and asked other midwives for their help to deliver my baby.

    At 4:21pm my baby was born a boy who I named Mason and he was the most precious beautiful little boy I had ever seen. Each time I looked at him I was in such shock…I had just had a baby and he was..mine. I was in such awe, I couldnt even believe I had given birth. I sdtayed with him right until half past 11 that night and I went home and wheeled him down to neonatal clinic to be looked after.

    He was in the hospital for a week so I could see him and so the social workers could find him an appropriate foster placement. I went in every day to see him and fed him and made sure that he was asleep when I left. When he was placed in a foster care placement I visited him for a year twice a week and spent a couple of hours with him, i watched him grow and learn to crawl. I even got to spend his first birthday with him. Although shortly after he was adopted by a couple in Cambridge.

    Even though I know I made the right decision my heart hurts thinking about the birth and I wish I could just be with him now, I now understand the love a mother has for there child and I love him beyond anything. I wish my mother had being more supportive as I love my son and I would do anything for him to be with me right now, i miss him so much. People tell me to get over it and that it will stop hurting but no i wont get over it he’s my son and always will be also it will always hurt because i love him and i miss him so much.

    It is exactly a month till his third birthday and my mind is full of thoughts. I just don’t know what to do and I feel there is no one that understands me or my story without judging.

    • admin says:

      Sophie,
      I am so glad that you found your way here and I do hope you will come to one of our monthly support groups and be with people who really can understand you without judging.. Time can never fully heal the pain wrapped around surrendering a child for adoption. I was the same age as you when I found out I was pregnant. I understand your pain. Your loss is real and even being experienced by Mason. In a few more years you will be able to make your information available on adoption registry sites and hopefully this can lead to your reconnecting with your son.In the meantime, its so important for you to get your life on track and to heal so that if that day should come to meet again, it will be a blessing for your son to know you. Many birthmoms silently carry the pain over the years and the guilt that results leads to unhealthy relationships and life choices. Don’t allow yourself to become one of these statistics. You did what was the right and unselfish choice for Mason due to circumstances out of your control. Forgive yourself..Keep a journal for Mason so he knows your love and thoughts of him. Pursue what it is in life that will bring you joy…Continue to tell your story. I am here if you need me. xoxo Much love, Kim

  6. Mattie says:

    Kim,
    This site makes me so happy! I gave up my little girl when I was only seventeen. I chose an open adoption and I really got myself on the right track- finishing high school early and starting school and a Christian college in Texas!
    Though I don’t struggle much with the after-effects of my decision, I absolutely love getting to speak with girls who do. I am currently a volunteer and mentor to girls at Christian Homes and Family Services in Abilene, Texas, while a freshman in college.
    My family, my adoptive family, and I all wish very badly that adoptions, specifically open ones, had a bigger fan base! What I mean by that is that I wish more people understood the beauty of it and the selflessness!
    I really love what you’re doing and how you are using your life experience to help other women through their own. It’s absolutely beautiful!
    Admiring your courage,
    Mattie

    • admin says:

      Thank you so much Mattie! What you are doing with your life is absolutely beautiful as well. Keep on sharing your message with others! xo

  7. Elizabeth says:

    Id love to join your newsletter as I’m a birthmom =)

    • admin says:

      I will gladly add you to the list today! You will receive an e-mail confirming your request. Welcome to the family! xoxo

  8. Rhonda says:

    To be quite honest with you I am mad. I placed my daughter into her adoptive parent’s arms 25 years ago. I understood that the adoption would be open. I was attending a church that my legal guardians pastored who were also my cousins and they coerced me into placing my child into either letting them or a couple in their church adopt before I was even ready to make a decision. They gave me two weeks to decide after I found out, told me I didn’t deserve anything, belittled me by making fun of me of being a mother, told me they didn’t even want me to touch their children in case I might have aids and then after the adoption snuck around and try to keep it from me they were giving the adoptive mom a baby shower after they told me I wasn’t getting one. After the adoption they asked me when I was leaving because I was no longer welcome in their home. Just a lot of anger and pain. I could not even get a photograph-nothing to remember her by and the pastors wife just rubbed my face in it about her not being my daughter anymore, but her friend’s.

    I was going to have a reunion with my daughter but I got all religious and told her parents that their marriage was wrong according to the Bible. It made my birthdaughter angry and her parents angry even though it was not said out of a malicious heart-but only wanting to help. I don’t know what the future holds for I and my birthdaughter but I will say I am a very angry and hurt person. Angry that people will pretend to be your friends but then turn their backs on you after the adoption is final. My whole family turned their backs on me. How do I deal with this? How do I get over the anger, shock, pain, and foregive people for such an outrageous betrayal?

    I do know this-I want my life to count. I have been buying little baby clothes and other necessities to fill gift baskets to give to the local crisis pregnancy center. My husband told me not to volunteer to counsel because I am too emotionally vulnerable concerning this, but I want to reach out to other potential birthmothers in some way and encourage them to really allow themselves time to make their decision and not let people run over them because there are people out there who will just chew you up and spit you out over this. Please, give yourself time to make this decision…because you deserve it.

    • admin says:

      Rhonda,
      I feel your hurt and know that as a result of the way your adoption was handled your heart is one to help others to avoid the same life experience. I,too feel that same passion to ensure that adoptions today are handled far differently then they were when you and I went through this process. I am committed to promoting services that ensure complete care for the birthmom and healthy adoption process as a whole.
      You need to give yourself gentle care right now. You’re life counts considerably..not only were you strong enough to make the decision that you had to make 25 years ago but you lived through the rejection, the trials of life afterwards and you are still here..still wanting and still fighting. {{hugs}} Allow yourself plenty of time to heal..
      A great way to get unemotionally involved but yet still minster to the hearts of birthmoms might just be through your baskets. Many hospitals would love to accept gifts of baskets that you can assemble with your items and maybe add some pretty notecards that have words of encouragement written on them.
      Do small things each day that lead you to where you would like to see your life down the road. Journal your thoughts and feelings about your daughter even though you are still apart..especially your feelings about the reunion but remember she is going to have an uncontrollable yet understandable loyalty to her adoptive parents..many adoptees wrestle greatly with feelings of loyalty towards their parents for “rescuing” or taking them in. They greatly love them and you but yet don’t want to hurt you in that reality. We as birthmothers need to be securely mature enough, brave enough and loving enough to handle that and to make room for it in our relationships. As hard as it may be for you to surrender her again you may need to do so for awhile and allow her some time to process life and then come to you..In the meantime, stay open and available.. allow yourself time to heal and work through these issues so the reunion can be a time of joy that continues throughout both of your lives together..
      Thank you for encouraging other birthmoms here. I hope that you will become an active part of our facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/BirthMomsToday
      Much love to you! xoxo

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